If you are thinking about getting back together with your ex girlfriend, then I think it is important to understand why it didn’t workout first time. By doing so, we can avoid repeating same mistakes over. Therefore, we must realize why the relationship was ended.
Why Couples Say Good-bye
Contrary to popular belief (yeah, I know), nothing lasts forever. Couples break up all the time. What is not usually known is the fact that guys and girls end relationships for different reasons. It can be confusing to sort out the mind of the opposite sex. Even when we are told something, we often feel there is more to the story or that the other person is out and out not being truthful about the reasons, so let’s be straight here. If your better half has left you and handed you some lame excuse like, “It’s just not working out,” or “I need my space,” or “It’s not you, it’s me,” you have to decipher that vague speak and understand what went wrong on your own so you can repair it.
Not every situation is black and white, on the other hand, some are. Sometimes one of the partners cheats and that represent enough of a punch in the gut to make the one who got hurt pick up and say bye-bye.
Let’s be straight here, too, if someone cheated, there were troubles long before the act of being unfaithful occurred. If you’re not in a spot where you can pinpoint the exact reason, then you have to understand males and females and what causes them tick.
Why Girls Leave Their Guys
Girls leave for altogether different reasons than what guys think. They are faithful to the end, until they stop feeling appreciated by their guys. Guys tend to believe of some women as being high-maintenance because they are demanding and hunger for attention. However, it’s not the attention they need. It’s the belief that you treasure and appreciate everything they do like from the way she puts a little love note in your lunch to how she calls you at work to hear your voice. This is why women who cheat, do it with guys who lavish them with attention AND appreciation for who they are and what they have to offer the world.
Don Juans and Casanovas use this tactics quite successfully to seduce married and partnered up women. They start first as “the friend who listens to the girl’s problems”. Then, the conversation becomes “how ungrateful” the man she is with is and how blind he is to all of her special qualities. Ultimately, the Don Juan himself, is lavishing her with admiration and attention that she intensely desires and next thing you know, Don Juan is the new man in her life.
Let’s take a look at just a few popular reasons relationships end. This is not an complete list, but a sample to show you how every case boils down to the elements above:
Cheating
Now, I can almost see you screaming, but what about trust, faithfulness and 101 other causes other than appreciation or admiration that someone would be upset about an affair? Yes. There are other grounds and feelings. But, this is so critical, the CORE reason individual will leave after an affair is impression of unappreciated for a girl.
A woman is a lot more probable to NOT end a relationship or GO BACK after an affair, IF she believes her guy still NEEDS and WANTS her. There are thousands, if not millions of women that know their husband is having an affair and DO NOT LEAVE because they believe that their man appreciates and needs them at some level. I am NOT saying that the affair is morally right, or does not upset her. I am just illustrating that loyalty, honesty and faithfulness take a “back seat” to just a “little appreciation”.
Now, let’s look at this when a girl cheats on a man. The worst thing a girl can do after an affair is to try to lay blame on the guy. Sadly this is very, very common. For example, the girl will say things like it was your fault because:
“You didn’t pay attention to me.”
“I was lonely.”
“Needed someone to talk to…”
This is like the princess coming out and crying “I do NOT admire you”. A man wishes to feel like he is her knight in shining armor. Also, natural into a “man” is the need to be powerful (so he will be admired).
A woman would be much safer off NOT laying blame. Usually, the best approach is to explain what a mistake the cheating or affair was, because of how much MORE and BETTER of a guy her current husband or boyfriend is than the guy she had the affair with.
Endless Arguing and Fights
This kills many relationships. And is a perfect representation of the two core reasons why lovers will leave. Remember of how many arguments are really over “I do NOT feel appreciated.” And the “killer” of passion for the guy is that during and many times, long after the fight he feels like a piece of dung, a far cry from feeling like a “knight in shining armor”.
Ask any relationship therapist and one of the most frequent reasons guys give for exiting a relationship is “No matter what I did I couldn’t make her happy!” after so long of not being able to make his girl happy, he WILL give up and go with someone he feels HE CAN make happy.
And the reason given by most women:
“He doesn’t appreciate a thing I do!”
Do you see the pattern? Now, there are different matters, such as trust, (which we will talk about) that may impact your relationship. He or she may even SAY they don’t trust you anymore and that may be right, but that is not the main reason they left or why they won’t get back together People say, “I don’t trust you.” Because it is so much simpler to do that than actually sharing all the emotional baggage. People aren’t always clear in their feelings. Guys are less open than women. And both, guys and women are not transparent during heated arguments. Underneath that “I don’t trust you” is the sincere reason.
Now you guys understand why people break up. If you are still planning on getting back together with an ex, then I urge you to look closely at why it didn’t workout first time around. Why? It is the most important question we can ask.
